Kevin Valdez - Winky's Lament

Well well well folks. Its Saturday, which means who needs to study? (me, I need to study). Well last night after a rousing night of employment law I went home and picked up my not so old Taylor. While staring at the prominently displayed Harry Potter books on my bookshelf I got inspired to write another heartwrenching Harry Potter love song. (Yes, Hermione Granger was a love song, a dirty filthy love song). A bottle of Jameson in tow, I tried to determine a character to write about. As I took a long slow sip of that delectable Irish Whiskey, I said to myself "you know who really got shafted? Winky the house elf". So I sat down and tinkered out this number for her. The vocals on the recording came out a bit sharp (crazy recording equipment, AM I RIGHT?) Anyway, this song is about Winky's spiral into depression, her alcoholism and the tragic freedom she "won" by trying to help her master. 

 Winky's Lament by kvald23 

Lyrics: 

 Winky's Lament

I was your advocate

I was your surrogate

For the mom you lost to foolish pride

She died in Azkaban

Alone and far from this land

So that you could survive

And I know it hurt him so

When Dad said “Imperio”

But what choice did he have?

Your blood lust did not subsist

Now I’m the bitch, left holding the bag

So pass another butter beer

I’ve got memories to drown over here

This skirt is my badge of shame

This dress it disgraces my name

I’m a house elf without a plan

So fuck off Dobby you don’t understand

What it’s like to be

Winky

Oh how everyday I wish

I didn’t take you to see Quidditch

You knew I didn’t want to be that high,

Couldn’t you see my hands covering my eyes?

When you broke free from your daddies spell

at that moment you unleashed hell

You stole that wand, and you broke my heart

I did all I could, but we were torn apart

And before you let me go

You should have exclaimed crucio

Cause nothing could have hurt as bad,

As the clothes given by your dad

So pass another butter beer

I’ve got memories to drown over here

This skirt is my badge of shame

This dress it disgraces my name

I’m a house elf without a plan

So fuck off Dobby you don’t understand

What it’s like to be

Winky

They think I wear these clothes

To hide my modesty

But they’re really a sign of my depravity

And I don’t care about SPEW,

Eleven welfare is for fools

Let me out of this place

So I can drink away my disgrace

So pass another butter beer

I’ve got memories to drown over here

This skirt is my badge of shame

This dress it disgraces my name

I’m a house elf without a plan

So fuck off Dobby you don’t understand

What it’s like, to be

Winky

 Let's blame the sharpness on the fact that she is a drunk house elf. It's all part of the ambiance people. Hope you enjoy! (Maybe I'll re-record later and you know, try to be in tune). 

Got a Harry Potter relationship that you think needs a song? Put it in the comment box, the more obscure the more likely I am to try and write something about it. 

Keep Rocking.

Kevin Valdez - Hermione Granger

Folks, I listen and criticize a lot of music here on Ipod and Headphones. But today, I am going to share with you something special, something from the heart. Many of you may not know I dabble with the guitar from time to time. So this morning, when I got sick of hearsay exceptions I picked up my guitar and churned out this future masterpiece. The sound quality isn't great cause it's just my computer doing the recording (there is no fault on the part of the musician right?). But here it is folks, a first for Ipod and Headphones music from the heart and mind of Kevin Valdez (and Ron Weasley).

UPDATE: I re-recorded with the Audacity program. The sound quality is better, but I still like the original masterpiece. They're both below for you to download to your ipod.

Original:

Hermione Granger by kvald23

Re-recorded through a better medium:

Hermione Granger (take 2) by kvald23

Lyrics:

I remember the first day when you walked into class

So damn high and mighty, full of piss and sassafras

(I know it's not an expression)

I thought you were incorrigible,

our personalities would never mesh.

But when you lied about that troll,

feelings began to manifest.

Oh Hermione Granger,

You accio'd my heart

Got a 24 hour summoning spell thats gonna rip me apart

Oh Hermione Granger

Hot as your blue bell flames,

With hair as wild as a lions mane

Oh Hermione Granger!

Over the years you've had your share of pain,

But there wasn't a monster I would not have slain for you.

Then there was the time, you almost turned into a cat

I wasn't sure if I would like you like that (so I got into furries)

Draco that bitch, pawn of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named

Called you that filthy, disgusting name

And wen you punched him

I will not lie

I got a bit aroused by the fire in your eyes

Oh Hermione Granger,

You accio'd my heart

Got a 24 hour summoning spell thats gonna rip me apart

Oh Hermione Granger

Hot as your blue bell flames,

With hair as wild as a lions mane

Oh Hermione Granger!

I'll be the first to admit

I wasn't into it

When you started seeing that boy Krum.

I couldn't exist with the thought that you kissed

That mother fucker from Bulgaria

Then Harry started to bitch

I got into Quidditch

Ran around with Lavender Brown

But when I took a sip of mead, you stood by me

And I knew everything would be alright!

Oh Hermione Granger,

You accio'd my heart

Got a 24 hour summoning spell thats gonna rip me apart

Oh Hermione Granger

Hot as your blue bell flames,

With hair as wild as a lions mane

Oh Hermione Granger!

Oh Hermione Granger,

You accio'd my heart

Got a 24 hour summoning spell thats gonna rip me apart

Oh Hermione Granger

Hot as your blue bell flames,

With hair as wild as a lions mane

She likes it, why don't you?!

That's it folks! Future masterpiece? I think so. Praise can be left in the comment box.

Keep Rocking.